8 months 21 days

I graduated 8 months, 21 days ago.

I have yet to obtain permanent, full-time employment.

Why is this so difficult?

And why is it so difficult for others not in this situation to understand?

My journal entries from the past (almost) nine months all have one basic theme: the desperate hope for a job. When I look back on this time years in the future, I’ll be able to read all the pain and heartache that comes with joblessness. I’m seriously considering writing a book about my experiences. Working title? “Insulted: An English major’s journey toward finding her first job during a recession.” I’m embarrassed to go to the bank to deposit my paycheck from my retail job because I’ve been (inadvertently) insulted by the tellers.

I’ve actually been told by a person, “Go get your MBA and become a teacher.”

What? Seriously? An MBA? And teach? Why would I need a business degree to teach? (Sigh.)

I’ve also been asked, “Are you even going to get a job with an English degree?”

It all comes down to ignorance, really. Just because I don’t have a specific degree for a specific career or job does not mean it is a wasted education.

While it is true that I have had moments wondering if going to college was even worth it, I know that the circumstances and the current financial situation all over the world is hindering my true growth and potential, career-wise. I know my talents will be realized and discovered soon. (It has to be soon.)

I know there are people worse off than me right now and I am lucky to be experiencing this at such a young age. I have crappy emergency-only health insurance, and could use a trip to the optometrist, dentist, and get a regular check-up with the doctor. However, it’s not a life-or-death situation. I also am single without dependents. I can get by with eating cereal for two meals a day. I’m not destitute, cold, hungry, or alone. I have two cats who will cuddle with me when I am sad. I have a college degree. (Not that it matters much these days…) My faith is renewed and I am excited to go to church each week. I have a family that loves and supports me. I have the use of both of my legs, my eyesight, and ears. I’m not imprisoned. I didn’t lose everything in an earthquake. I have an apartment with heat included. I have a fully-functioning nervous system.

The only thing I really want, more than anything in this world, is to give my parents bragging rights. For them to be able to say, “look at my daughter. She works for so and so and is making a positive difference!” I want to pay them back for everything they’ve done and given me in my 23 plus years of existence.

Figure Skating

In 1993 I began figure skating lessons at the local rink in North Dakota. I quit in 1996, at the age of nine. During my years as a skater, I looked up to Nancy Kerrigan, Kristi Yamaguchi, and Oksana Biaul. I had an autographed photo of Nancy, a poster of Kristi, and a t-shirt with Oksana on the front. I remember performing to songs like, “One” from A Chorus Line, “Something There” from Beauty and the Beast, Sleigh Ride and Carol of the Bells at Christmastime, “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King” from The Lion King, and “Chattahoochee” by Alan Jackson. I competed to songs from The Little Mermaid and Flashdance, the Animaniacs theme, and the song from Ghostbusters. I still own the two dresses made for me to wear during competitions. One is black/red/white and the other is blue and green in an under the sea style to match my skate to “A Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid. I wasn’t allowed to be a Tonya Harding fan.

In 2002 my inner figure skating fan emerged during the Olympics. The reason? Alexei Yagudin of Russia. He went on to win the gold medal, only to be forced into retirement at the age of 23 after Skate America the following season. I was heartbroken. Fortunately, he still performed professionally. I saw him in 2003 during the Stars on Ice tour. My mom, friend Jenni and I had front row, on ice tickets. Right next to the tunnel. I was sitting right next to the security guard. Todd Eldredge waved at me!

In 1994, my mom and I went to the Fargodome to see the Champions on Ice tour. I saw Nancy Kerrigan and Oksana Biaul, as well as Elvis Stojko and Philippe Candeloro (yes, he totally ripped his shirt off during his performance).

In 2008 the U.S. Figure Skating Championships were in St. Paul, and I received tickets for Christmas. I brought my best friend LeAnn along (she and I skated together in the same figure skating club) and we saw the men’s free skate. It was exciting because it was the year Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir’s final totals were tied to the hundreth decimal.

After Alexei retired, I needed to find a new favorite. For awhile I followed Brian Joubert of France, but in 2006 I noticed Lysacek. I remember being so disappointed that he just missed the medal stand in the Olympics. So, for the past 4 years Evan Lysacek has been my favorite. This year it changed. I realized I have a soft spot for the top 4 American men. I really love Ryan Bradley (because above all he is a showman) and was disappointed he couldn’t make the U.S. team as well for the Olympics. Johnny Weir is even growing on me! (I’m watching his reality show on the Sundance channel. It’s interesting.) There’s always Evan, but recently Jeremy Abbott caught my eye. It was the exhibition performance at the end of Nationals last week that really stood out in my mind. It was beautiful.

Honestly, I’m not rooting for one particular person in the Olympics. I’ll be partial to the Americans, but I still appreciate Joubert. It’s a crazy, crazy talented men’s field, so all three medals are fair game. Only two more weeks!!

Divine Intervention

I recently made the decision to join a new church. For the first time in my life, I requested for my parents’ church to transfer my membership. It’ll be strange when I go to my hometown and need to check “visitor” instead of “member” when I sign the register.

I am currently taking a class designed for new members, which is turning out to be very informative. This past fall I started looking into different churches in the area in hopes that I would find a church to join. I referred to this period as “church shopping.” I only went to a few different churches before I found this particular one. I only went to the service for the first time out of curiosity. I didn’t expect to love it. I can’t explain why I feel drawn to this place, only that it is fate. I am meant to be there. For a yet to be determined, tangible reason.

My only regret is that I didn’t do this 8 months ago. However, timing is everything. I am restored in my Faith and feel I am the closest to God that I have ever been. I’m ready to become more involved, which I didn’t expect to happen even three months ago. We’ll see what happens in the next year. But honestly? Whatever it is, I think it’ll change my life for the better.

Cat Lady

Santa brought me a new camera for Christmas and earlier today I uploaded my first batch of pictures onto my computer. I am without a doubt, a cat lady. Over 50 percent of my photos were of my two babies, Sir Thomas and Atticus. Sometimes I can’t help but grab my camera when they look ridiculous or adorable. Here are a few:

2009 Questions

I rarely do surveys like these anymore, but I saw this one and thought it would recap 2009 nicely.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I managed to graduate from college.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t remember if I made any “official” resolutions for 2009, but I made a bunch for 2010.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I know several people did have babies, but no one in my inner circle.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Again, no one in my inner circle. However, Ted Kennedy’s death hit me the hardest, celebrity-wise.

5. What countries did you visit?

Sadly, zero. I am without the means to afford the extravagance.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A full-time, permanent job with benefits.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 17. I sat through a three hour commencement ceremony.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Receiving my bachelor’s degree.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Being completely unemployed for 4 months. Not finding a full-time job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I was sick pretty much throughout January, February, and March. I blame our cold, cold house and living with 6 roommates. The rest of the year was dandy, however.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I was too poor to buy anything other than rent, food, and other necessities.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I didn’t have much to celebrate in 2009. BUT! If I have to choose one person…Joe Mauer. Because he makes me a proud Minnesotan. And he’s the AL MVP.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Brett Favre. The usual. 2008 was tough enough. But donning the purple and gold? That’s blasphemous and unforgivable.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, groceries, necessities.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Despite the incredibly difficult year, having my family come to my apartment for Christmas made my year. I was ridiculously happy on Christmas Eve and Day. I cried several times too. It really showed me that as long as my family is around, I’ll be okay.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Poker Face, Lady GaGa.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Sadder, only because last year at this time I still had high hopes for my post-grad days. Now I am realistic and maybe still a little bitter. But it will all pass in time.
ii. Thinner or fatter? About the same.
iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer. Poor, poor, poor. I need employment. My student loans are calling.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Work!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Been unemployed.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent Christmas at my apartment with my entire family (and my cats: Atticus and Sir Thomas) in the Cities. I also went to services at my new church, which were fantastic.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Alas, no. But I don’t worry about love or really believe in it yet, so that’s not necessarily a negative thing.

22. How many one-night stands?

I’m a classy lady. Zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

I discovered too many new ones to choose only one. True Blood, Doctor Who, Torchwood, The Big Bang Theory and Glee.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don’t really hate them, but I am resentful of anyone with any kind of job who doesn’t appreciate the fact that they are employed. I cannot stand hearing people complain about having to go to work. I will gladly take your job from you and be more enthusiastic about the job. Me, or the MILLIONS of unemployed persons in the world.

25. What was the best book you read?

I read the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. All nine books so far. The series from which the show True Blood was adapted. Team Eric.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

This is nothing new and not a discovery, but I appreciated the talents of Muse more than anyone else last year.

27. What did you want and get?

My diploma.

28. What did you want and not get?

A job.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

This is sad, but I didn’t see the Boondock Saints until the beginning of December of 2009. It was the only movie that made me want to own a copy.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 23 and worked for 7 hours at the mall. But I actually had a pretty great birthday. My mom and dad and little sister visited for the weekend. The day before we went to the Science Museum to see the Titanic exhibit which was pretty neat. My parents also made an early Thanksgiving dinner for me since I could not make it home.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Summer: lots of skirts. Winter: lots of sweatpants.

32. What kept you sane?

My mother and father. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for every tear-filled phone call they received from me this summer. Being unemployed doesn’t do much for one’s sanity. But my parents are the best.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Alexander Skarsgård, Joe Mauer, Joel McHale

34. Who did you miss?

My grandmother, Betty who passed away in December 2008. The week after Thanksgiving was the hardest.

35. Who was the best new person you met?

I can’t name a specific person, but I think the new church I discovered is going to be a life-changer this year.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

How to cope with unemployment and the value of having a job and working. No matter what the job entails or how much money you make. Having a job in the latter portion of the year really helped my sanity levels. I will appreciate this year for the rest of my life. It was the worst year of my life so far, but the lessons I learned will stay with me forever.

Life Goals

I added a new page to the blog. It’s the “Life Goals” tab located at the top of the page or on the right. On this page I listed a few things I would like to accomplish during my lifetime. Some will be silly, others will be serious. Many will be lists within the list, such as books and movies. Some are obvious travel wishes like visiting all 50 states. I haven’t traveled much so far in my twenty three years, but I hope to change this as I get older. (And not be so jealous when other people talk about where they’ve been.) I didn’t study abroad. I have yet to obtain a passport. Eventually, someday soon I will be able to afford to see more of the country and the world. I couldn’t justify going into debt to study abroad or to go someplace warm for spring break. (I spent every college spring break in my hometown in Northeastern Wisconsin. Working.)

Keep looking at the other pages! I update them frequently.

I’m a Grown-up.

The highlights of the week thus far:

–My roommate and I purchased a new entertainment center at Ikea. It is much better than the hand-me-down end table we were using to hold the television. It is a sign of growing up when a large furniture purchase is one of the highlights of the week. It is lovely. It didn’t cost us a dime either, thanks to the internet and searching for apartments online last summer. Rent dot com mailed us a $100 Visa gift card for using the website to locate our current apartment. Ikea’s puzzle furniture is budget friendly, therefore…free entertainment center. Even better.

–I applied for three jobs in the government field. The job titles sound much more official than the reality, I am sure. However, it is always a gold star day when I send out an application and/or resume/cover letter.

–Speaking of employment, Facebook had an ad earlier today directed toward my current job status. It read: “(Insert retail establishment here) employee? Click here to pursue online degree options!” What. an. insult! First of all, I have a bachelor’s degree. The recession is really bringing the class of 2009 down a bit. It was probably the worst possible time to graduate. Secondly, just because a person works in retail does not mean they’re a failure and are not educated! I’m really enjoying my job. I’m thankful I have any kind of job at this point! I spent 4 months without a purpose. Retail is very important. We live in a capitalist society. The Facebook ads are creepy. (But not always worthless. I did purchase theater tickets for a third of the face value thanks to a code on an ad online.)

–When I perform several household tasks during the day, I feel an incredible sense of accomplishment. This has been the case since graduation. This past summer my days consisted of 90 minute power walks, chores, and job hunting. I’ve never loved doing dishes more in my life! Today was one of my days off this week so I did a few things around the apartment. I’m making a very good housewife, according to my roommate.

–Speaking of power walks, I really miss them. One of the downsides to winter. I am hoping in the days to come, the temperatures will reach above twenty degrees Fahrenheit (maybe even thirty!) and melt the ice that is covering my current walking paths. I tried walking on New Years’ Day (during a freeze advisory that I ignored) but it was too difficult to keep the pace I wanted because of the inch of ice on the paths. It isn’t so much the cold, but the ice that bothers me in the winter. I know how to properly layer and dress for the weather. My walking pace is very fast, which can be dangerous in the North in January. I fall down at least three times per winter.

–I think I came to this conclusion awhile ago, but I realized tonight that I am too old for MTV. A decade ago I watched MTV’s New Years Eve coverage because it was the “cool” thing to do. Plus, I’m pretty sure No Doubt covered the song “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” when it hit midnight, and Gwen Stefani was rocking her braces and pink hair. Which was awesome. In 1999. This year I watched CNN and Anderson Cooper. The content is directed toward the teenage set. The PSA warning about the dangers of “sexting” reinforced my suspicion. I’m old.

I’m 23. I’m not old. But I am growing up, and I like it. I keep saying that once I get a full time job everything will fall into place and I can attain true independence. I really want that more than anything this year. To be independent, completely. My student loans are calling to be paid. The 6 month “buffer” period is over. I would like to purchase my own vehicle and donate to MPR and have a social life. I did formally request for my church membership to be transferred to a church in the area. I start new member classes this month. The fact that I found a church so quickly and early-on in my “church search” gives me hope that a job will come into my radar in a similar fashion this year. When I went to the service in October, I didn’t expect to love the church so much. The most important aspect of my search was to find a church where I felt comfortable. I know I found the place for me. I trust my intuition a lot in my life. It is what led me to the Twin Cities for college, helped me choose my major, and now helped me find a church. I know I am where I am supposed to be. The next step is to start my career. There are reasons for the prolonged job search. I’ve learned a LOT about myself since graduating. These lessons are proving to be equally as valuable as my degree. Being an adult is hard work, but it is quite worth the effort.

Resolutions continued…

The fifth item on my list of resolutions is to write for myself everyday. This could mean anything. I’m constantly jotting down characteristics of a stranger (or in some cases, someone I know) in the notebook I use for character sketches. Someday I might need that type of character for a story I’m writing, so I like to keep a record of interesting people. As long as I write something each day, I will be content.

Numbers six and seven go together. If I keep good, healthy food in the fridge I will be tempted less to grab a burger on the way home. Personally, I think the “dollar menus” are making America fat. They certainly aren’t doing anyone any favors. It can be difficult to keep a full fridge on my part time pay rate, but I suspect once I get a “real” job it will become easier to keep this up.

I have a “typical” Sunday schedule. Wake up, make coffee, take a shower, turn on Meet the Press, go to church, come home, make eggs or an omelet, and watch baseball (during baseball season) or take a nap or read. I love Sundays. I really need to take the time on Sunday mornings to sit through the entire episode of Meet the Press. Sometimes I don’t get up early enough and I end up getting ready for church during the time slot.

Two years ago I made the resolution to talk to my mother on the phone everyday and I’ve kept that up for a long time. I included it again just to make sure I keep it up once my schedule becomes busier as the year goes on.

Number 10, getting out more often, is a necessity. This does not mean go to a bar and drink. It means doing things other than passing out on the couch in front of the television every night. As comfortable as the couch may be, I really need to have more human interactions on a daily basis.

Number 11 relates to number 10. By going out with my friends more often I will get out of the apartment and keep in touch with everyone. It’s sad when I haven’t seen friends who live less than 10 miles away in 6 months.

I hate that I don’t take the time to handwrite letters as often anymore. So, I resolve to remedy this situation by handwriting a letter to my Grandparents each week. This might prove to be difficult but I think they will appreciate the effort.

I have a lot of movies, but I rarely watch them. Therefore, I will watch each one in alphabetical order (guess how I have them organized…) before the year is through.

Last season I only attended ONE Twins game. Blasphemy! Especially since I attended 12 in 2007. Because Target Field will assuredly be amazing, I vow to go to at least one game per month.

Again, I need to get out more and explore the area. I’ve been here for 4 and a half years and there are still several areas of interest where I need to visit. The Minnesota Zoo, for one.

I tried going to Matt’s Bar with my family last weekend during the lunch time rush. I still need to try a Jucy Lucy (and a Juicy Lucy, just to see how they compare.) It seems like something I should have done years ago, but alas…

There are many, many festivals throughout the year in the area. I’ve never been to the Aquatennial or Taste of Minnesota. I need to explore these more this year.

Finally, number 18. I’ve lived in this apartment for 4 months. I really need to decorate. Put curtains up, hang photos, etc.

The End!

New Years Resolutions

I added a new page to this blog specifically for Resolutions. You can either click on the tab above labeled “Resolutions” or click HERE. I rarely make a big deal out of making specific annual resolutions, but in light of the fact that 2009 has been one of the most difficult years of my life, I feel the need to reorganize and make sure I’m on track to be content with all aspects of my life.

I discussed the first item on the list in my previous post. I have too many books on my shelves that I have been meaning to read for two years, yet I continue to buy more! I’m also not reading actual books. (The internet is distracting, okay?)

Number two is not difficult. In fact this summer it was practically my entire life. My entire day would surround my walk. I was walking 90 minutes a day in the hot afternoon sun. I actually became a little tan. (I thought I was extremely tan, but in reality I was just normal. Usually I’m pasty, pasty white.) When I moved at the end of August I needed to find new walking routes. I eventually came up with a pretty good system, but nothing as spectacular as my regular summer route. Now my excuse is the winter, but that’s not good enough. I need to literally put myself out there (i.e. OUTSIDE) and do it. I also have free access to an elliptical machine so I have no excuses.

Number 3! Joining a church. I found a spectacular church on Halloween. It’s huge, but I feel extremely comfortable there, which is the biggest obstacle for me to overcome. Every time I attend a service I am impressed. On Christmas, the ushers at the doors were wearing TOP HATS and WHITE SCARVES with black coats. I couldn’t believe it. I was tickled that they did that. In the middle of January new member classes begin and for 9 weeks I will be attending a class each week designed to get people comfortable with the church and to meet new people.

The fourth, getting a full time job, is a no-brainer. It needs to happen. Like, six months ago.

I will pause at four for now. I’ll continue in the next post so these won’t be daunting to read. One giant behemoth of a post is not what I intend to write.

Christmastime

A few weeks ago, I worried I might spend my Christmas holiday alone. I don’t have a full time job yet since I graduated in May. I do have a part time retail job, which I like, but it is not as forgiving in terms of giving time off for Christmas. (When I was hired as seasonal help.) I ended up having Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (of course) off, but two days were not enough time for me to drive 6 hours home. Especially due to the massive 3 day winter storm that passed through my area. Luckily, I have an absolutely fantastic, wonderful, beautiful family. They were lovely enough to drive over to me.

I had one of the best Christmases of my life. There were times when I couldn’t help but smile because I was so happy. Although there were several instances in which I burst into tears over silly things. The Christmas Eve service we attended made me tear up at least ten separate times. (Oh Holy Night really did me in. So did the 7 year old boy who performed the reading, Luke 2. Of course Silent Night is always a tear jerker.)

Santa was really good to me this year. The number one thing I requested, an Aaron Rodgers jersey was the first gift I opened. I also received The Boondock Saints and Snow White on dvd, a giant picture frame collage, lovely perfume from my sister, a fleece shawl thing with sleeves that is absolutely wonderful (and purple!), and a digital camera. The camera was a big surprise because I didn’t ask for it. Black Friday sales were good to Santa this year, apparently. I do need a new camera, so I absolutely love the thing! It’s amazing how much technology has changed in 4 years. I have a feeling I will be taking many, many more pictures in the coming year.

What I loved the most about Christmas, as always, was the time spent just hanging out with my family. I love that my brothers were bonding with my cats. My little brother at one point picked up Sir Thomas and asked my mother, “Mom can we get a cat?” Adorable. I’m slowly turning my family into cat people. We took our annual Christmas Eve family photo with my two cats. My boys are quite charming.

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season. I am happy the oldies station no longer plays wall to wall holiday music and my store doesn’t integrate crappy holiday music into the music system anymore. Tonight I am watching the second to last Doctor Who episode starring David Tennant. I’m in denial that his Doctor is actually leaving. However I do hope Tennant’s pilot is picked up by one of the American networks. I adore him.