The Holidays are officially upon us…

Twenty Thanksgivings, all with the same people. This will be my twenty-first T-Gives day and I will be without my parents and family. Am I unhappy about this? Very. Do I have a choice? Well, yes if I wanted to buy a $100 bus ticket that will take approximately 16 hours to get to a place only 5 hours away. I will have Doug and Sasha will be there too. Plus, my Aunt Jan will be in town until Saturday, so I won’t be all alone. I have a shit ton of homework to do and I am currently obsessed with watching every single episode of Gilmore Girls. (I am on episode two of season three and it has only been 8 days…) I made a fancy to-do list and I am content with the peace and quiet of my apartment. In a couple of hours this complex and the campus will be pretty much dead. Every once and a while I gaze out the window and see yet another person packing the car with a suitcase in tow. I am jealous every time. I disappointed my mother immensely. This is the last scenario I had in mind. I promised her I wouldn’t call her Thursday upset that I am not there, but I know I will break it. Of course I will be upset. The only question is, will I be able to hide it from her? Not likely, but I can always hope for the best!

I received another birthday card in the mail earlier. Only 51 weeks until I am really legal!

There is always something to look forward to. Be it a certain day, an exciting future, the hope that the special someone who always fills your mind will actually realize you do exist and realize how very wonderful you truly are. My first boyfriend situation didn’t work out for me. Do I have regrets? Maybe I do, but I have learned that regret doesn’t solve things. I can only look forward and pray that one day I will find someone who I am meant to be with. Someone who I won’t leave and realize too late that what I have gotten myself into is somehow wrong and end it abruptly. I was naive a couple months ago. I really thought all I had was what I really wanted. I was told that I deserved it and I should hold onto the guy that was head over heels for me. But I just couldn’t. In my heart I knew it was a lie and I was being unfair to the both of us. I can’t be someone I am not for someone I just can’t love. He wasn’t right for me. Maybe I was for him, but I can’t make someone happy at the cost of my own life. He cried. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t even know he existed for two months! We dated just shy of a month! It was WAY too serious for my first everything. I couldn’t do that to myself anymore. It was wrong.

I didn’t intend for this to be a rant of that nature. I am just bummed I can’t be with the most important people in my life for such a day as this. They sacrifice so much for us kids so we can have the best and go to college. I just hope one day I will be able to show them how much we care and let them live. Just…be, without worries of where the next tuition payment, athletic shoe purchase, utility bill will come from. God always seems to provide. Even when it seems impossible, there always seems to be a way out. Sometimes I am ungrateful, I am lazy, I am careless, I forget. But I always seem to come back to where I came from and put everything into perspective. Others may disagree, hate what I have to say, or wonder how I can even believe, but I just…do. It is the way I was raised, and most of the time it is difficult with the way I see things politically these days for both sides to understand. All I know is I am feeling a hell of a lot better now that these words are typed out and I could get my thoughts out into the open. It never fails. All I need is a pen or a keyboard and a blank surface and I can let it loose and free the tangles of my mind.

Happy Holidays, to everyone.

Happy Birthday to ME!

So I guess I am officially twenty years of age. All day I have been pondering this fact and am slowly realizing that I am almost a “real” adult. Less than a year from now I will be of legal age to purchase alcohol and sit in a bar. But will that happen very often? We’ll see. So far the day has been just wonderful. I woke up and left 10 minutes early so I could stop by Starbucks for my favorite coffee, Caramel Macchiato. I received a gift card from my parents Sunday (and Aunt today!) for there so I figured my birthday was a good enough excuse to go! I worked a few hours for Jane, who gave me a card with $5 and two hostess cupcakes! How thoughtful! I did have to go to class, even on my birthday. It was pretty lax however as we reviewed for our French test tomorrow and I sat through a 40 minute journalism lecture. I had a free bowl courtesy of Noodles, so I took advantage of that for lunch and brought it back to the good ol’ apartment. The complex puts balloons on your door on your birthday! How cute is that? I decided that it is my day and I can do what I want, so I wasted time by watching two episodes of Gilmore Girls. The very first two in fact. My roomie has the first 5 seasons, and I figure I might as well get caught up eventually with all the back stories. I won’t be going home for Thanksgiving Break and figure I might have a little extra time on my hands in the next week, especially with Christina being gone in Mississippi starting Saturday through the Monday after Turkey Day. Douglas will be in town. He is the reason I am not going home. (Dumb Target with all their contributions to the Right!) (i kid) So, we are going to be real adults and cook some good fixins ourselves! I’ll give an update on how that unfolds in the future. Tonight I will be going out to dinner with 9, (maybe even 11) of my friends! I feel very blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. (With Christmas coming up, it looks like I will be baking cookies up the wazoo to get everyone their share!) Peace!

Currently Reading….

I believe everyone should read this book or at least view the film. I know some people who may not believe this or think that it is all a “cry for attention” from Al Gore. That is a lie, if you would actually read the book and take the time to actually learn about it, everything makes sense. I am afraid for the future of the entire world and think that most people are too tired and/or lazy to even attempt to stop this crime we’re all committing. I know that it may not look like anything is wrong with the planet when taking it in face value, but the facts don’t lie. The earth needs our help. The question is, will we answer the call or just sit idly by?

Le grand tour de Sainte-Paul

Yesterday was a beautiful day and I spent it in very good company. Doug, Christina, and I went over to St. Paul to play tourist and visit all the sites we normally just drive past. It was a very very good way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

First we went to the State Capitol and had a guided tour. I am afraid of heights, so I must admit I was a bit frightened of the entire building. Yeah, I am that person. I went once before in sixth grade for our sixth grade trip at the end of the year. (That day we visited the Capitol, the old Science Museum, and Williams and Mariucci. Who knew I would end up going to school here?) We sat in the Supreme Courtroom and went up to the observation deck of the House. This time we went to the roof near the gold statue in front of the dome which was pretty awesome. You can see the Minneapolis skyline from way up there! The last stop was the Governor’s Reception Room, and the tour guide said they aren’t allowed to point out his office door due to security issues, but he basically told us which one it was anyway. Any idiot could figure it out and that could be potentially a bad situation.

Our next stop was the James J. Hill mansion. This guy was loaded and started the Great Northern Railroad. It was very beautiful inside. Even the basement with the servants areas weren’t so scary. I would’ve liked to be a servant there, they seemed to live a pretty nice life! I remember back in the day when I went on a girl scout bus trip to Duluth we visited the Glensheen Mansion. That place is crazy though, because there were murders there that are yet unsolved. I bet it’s haunted. The Hill house looks haunted too and very dark.

Our last main stop was the Cathedral of St. Paul, which is a gigantically ornate catholic church. There was a wedding going on while we were there and we just walked around during their ceremony. I don’t think I would want a wedding there because there are always visitors around and it would bug the hell out of me! I have seen much bigger churches. But this one is still cool.

After those three places (which is what we planned to see for sure) we drove around the downtown St. Paul area. We ate at Mickey’s Diner which is a big deal and famous. It was in all 3 Mighty Ducks movies, Jingle All the Way, and A Prairie Home Companion. A bunch of famous people have stopped there to eat as well. It was fabulously greasy and dirty. I loved it!

We also found a bunch of Peanuts statues, one of Herb Brooks, and I am fairly sure the one of Fitzgerald. I am in love with his language in his writing. It is exquisite. We were pretending we were from “up north” and visiting the big city for the first time. We utilized our accents to the fullest potential and probably acted a fool many a time. It was great!

I was very happy we finally took the time to traipse around the city of St. Paul since we barely get over there. I definetly recommend playing tourist in the town in which you live. Who knows what you’ll find that you never took the time to notice before?